The Manly Pursuit of Choppification

     Now choppification ain't something to be taken lightly, nor quickly, so just boil yourself up a glass of water and drop that teabag in and maybe after all the pictures download you'll have tea.  We like our choppers and like to take many pictures of their big, strong, long, gleaming forks. 

     First off remember, 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5, red - blue - silver - teal - black, so far.  Our choppers have inexplicably been of all different colors to date.   Okay, #5 was light blue but it got painted black right quick.  Roody - Nutcrusher - Turd Scout - Ah-swee-pay - ( awaiting a name, something about free spirits or blackness...) - and a big red-white-and blue 'un that's gonna be something about America or something. Someday I will stop saying (and consequently writing) "right quick."

     You're supposed to read all this waiting for the pictures.  Well, here we go.

Roody, the Primordial Chopper

     One day when the whiskey was all drank on Friday we scrubbed our little eyeballs on Saturday and got down to beeswax as it were.    Roody was born.  It was bestowed upon the king, because, well, he's the king.  This chopper is constructed without any welding because we think arcs went out with Noah, and plasma is something you sell for 50 bux..

     A custom-length of 1/2-inch sturdy steel pipe is the 'secret' if you must ask.  Roody's top fork is a willing top, that is having a hole beneath that will accept one end of the pipe.  The bottom fork, some classic Schwinn blades, accepts the other end of the pipe as well as two carefully drilled holes and a pair of 1/4-inch x 2 Grade 8 bolts, nuts, and washers.  The bolts go thru the top forks drop-outs and the carefully placed holes. A straight pipe isn't quite what you need so a whole shop full of people is needed to slowly and methodically induce the custom bend.  Mmmm, applied mechanics.  We had a little bit of pipe left over so Roody got footpegs.

     I believe this fork design unique and elsewhere untested.   It applies the theory of redundancy perfectly.  We have yet to damage a fork costructed in this fashion.  Total cost of modification: another fork, a buck for the pipe, and about 60? for the hardware.  Copy it and you too may chop.

The Nutcrusher, Multi-Speed

     Once you've got one big fork everybody wants a big fork.   The Nutcrusher is burly due to some goofy-lookin mountain bike donor forks (this time the new fork on top), a full-size frame, and a torrent of power issuing forth at the hands of 27 inches times 3 speeds.  Yup, actually goes uphill without too much fuss.   Tilt/sway Visual Indicator Orbs (aka dingle-balls) are the latest high-tech addition.  Kickstand functional.  Bubbles does Edward Brokenhands with the eyes closed!

     This took a little more pipe so we got 15 feet of it.   Foot-pegs forever!  Some 3/8 inch nuts had to be slipped inbetween the forks to act as washers because the top was a little more splayed.  A few different sets of bolts and nuts and washery things were tried until the present configuration, sadly without footpegs, was settled upon.  One should keep in mind that bolts are exceedingly more resistant to bend where they are without thread. 

The Turd Scout, Wheelie Machine

    Now the Turd Scout usedta be an MX'er, back before BMX was, remember way back when you would pretend that you had a motorcycle when you were riding your bicycle... an official motocross-type machine, whatever that means.  Huffy product, so, well, at least it looks sturdy.  Dig that little plate up by the head tube.  Cool, huh?

     There just had to be a way to use that oh-so staunch original fork, even though it had no hole to accept 1/2-inch pipe.  I guess the bottom fork already had holes in it (seems like most all spare forks in the shop had holes in them around then) and by now we had bolts galore hidden in cigarette packs, and hose clamps for the unruly.

     So a little preconstruction, and hey, there's a nice line from the bottom drop-outs to the handlebar nut, of all things.  Why a line that'd do to be encased in a big, fat, heavy steel pipe.  An impressive assortment of hardware later (over $3!!!) and big black and chrome footpegs were on.   A hose clamp, gravity, and chopper magic hold the top of the pipe, the bottom slips OVER the bottom fork neck tube.  It is quite a puzzle to put together or take apart due to an exacting fit and lots of washers.

     A big crank replaced the laughably teensy, sparely-toothed original, and a rear hand brake added so you can slow down without getting your feet off of the pegs.  The kickstand was extended with a piece of the giant 1/2-inch length of pipe.  The 'sissy bar' went into Roody so a MtnRack admirably serves as seat support.  Flames adorn the big pipe.  I am very proud.

Ah-swee-pay, or Asswipe

     So named due to sway bars insted of a sissy in its initial configuration.  The Asswipe is built on a transsexual (girl bike to boy bike) Sears frame, so modified before it fell into our hands for ten bucks at the thrift store.   The big length of pipe was unnecessary as a seat post was used instead.  Half the dropouts on the new fork (on top) were sawed off and shoved into the to of the pipes of the original fork (bottom).  This is where welding entered our chopper technology.   There's welds all over that fork.

     Also of note is the first attachment of fork to pipe in our choppers, thru bolting was a luxury reserved for tall-bikes until then.  Good old Grade 8's.

     All wheel combinations were attempted with Asswipe, this was deemed coolest by DJ, its creator. The knobbies smooth out Pike Place Market's cobblestones.

Chopper #5, Yet Unnamed

     Little is known about Chopper #5, other than it is black, and has realllly long forks.  It has not undergone the extensive testing necessary for public release of build information.  In its first incarnation, it bent into a low-rider, quite unintentionally, causing great dismay.  It has underwent the torch and the paint-brush since, and soon shall grace these pages.

Lots of rake and lots of fork make this the squirreliest ride, the tiny Pixie wheel doesn't help either. Nice sliding beads on those front spokes, remember when they came in Rice Krispies?

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