Well, lots more later, this should keep you busy.

Shoestrings and bicycles can combine in deadly fashion. Be safe. Double-knot. Or use Velcro.


Milord, I have sinned. And how hast thee sinned my son? Two weeks running I have fell from astride my chopper, from closer to thee to the cold, wet asphalt. I have suffered raspberries unworthy of mortal flesh, in some futile attempt, to be more like you. I can blame the intoxication of many coats of fresh paint, or many buckets of vodka collinses, or the freedom of the ride, but yet I cannot deny my fall from your graces. Perhaps drink is not for you, perhaps worship of the bottle interferes with that of your and others' bicycles. Remember your quest. Repair, reuse, recycle. And Neo-Sporin.


Holy Bible, Bicycle Jesus Version

1:1 In the beginning, bicycle god created rider and earth, and the bike to transport she/he across it.

1:2 And the earth was without form, and Void, and darkness was upon it.

1:3 And bicycle god said, let there be bike, and there was bike.

1:4 And bicycle god saw the bike, that it was good. And bicycle god divided the bike from the darkness.

1:18 And the rulers of nite and day, saw to the dividing of the bike from the darkness, and saw the bicycle god seeing that it was good.


Read the Bicycle Bible, and you too can believe.

Bicycle hell is no place to be. Tires hold no air, due mainly to their triangular-only construction. And you thought square wheels were bad. Where you have to go is eternally uphill, steeper and steeper toward the summit that never comes. There is no beer in bicycle hell, no breaks, no time off of the clock, and you never, ever get to sit, being as there's no bicycle seats down there anyway. Your legs can never stretch out in front of you. Ibuprofen? Hah.

A Prayer

We love you bicycle jesus in bicycle heaven and humbly ask your assistance in staying bicycle friendly and that if we are ever hit by a bus or taxi or irate SUV you might see it in your thorny-tired flaming heart to allow us into your kingdom o lord. Please keep our nuts and bolts tight, our wheels true and full of air, our forks out in front, and our noggins and butts off the pavement. If it's not a bother keep up that bestowing upon us the wisdom to create the craziest of bikes, so when we get up there we'll already know the drill..

No Plug-In, eh baby?